Tag Archives: choosing baby names

Name Update: They Stayed True to Their First Love

26 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by in Name Updates

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Elise and Alex had already decided on the name Digby for their third child when someone else in their social circle used the name for their son. Feeling obliged to look for something else, Elise wrote in to the blog to ask for ideas on boys names.

In the end, they decided that they didn’t like anything else as much as Digby, and no other name was right for them, so they went ahead and used Digby for their baby, as they had planned.

Unfortunately, they were met with a frosty reception from the parents of the first Digby, and things have been a bit awkward between them ever since.

However, although disappointed with how the other parents have chosen to react to their news, Elise and Alex couldn’t be happier that they stuck with their favourite name, and know that they made the right choice.

Congratulations Elise and Alex, and welcome Digby!

You don’t have to abandon your favourite baby name just because someone else used it first, and this is yet another warning that it’s unreasonable to expect to have a name all to yourself, even if it’s not common.

Why Your Child Will Hate Their Name

22 Sunday Sep 2013

Posted by in Your Questions Answered

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How can I pick a name my child won’t hate?

That’s the question somebody typed into a search bar, and Google knows how, ended up on my blog. Here’s the kicker: you can’t. There’s no name, no matter how tastefully chosen, that comes with a guarantee that your child won’t one day hate it to bits.

I know people with what I see as very nice names (nicer than mine, in my opinion) who hate them with a bewildering passion, while people who have what I consider very boring or even ugly names are deeply grateful to their parents for choosing them. We all have different tastes.

I do know quite a few people who hate their names, and if you hang out on name forums, you don’t have to look hard to find others who have become disgruntled with their names. While everyone has their own personal quirks, over the years I have noticed a few things they tended to have in common.

These are often not the things that baby name articles warn you about. For example, a popular belief is that a “weird name” is sure to be hated by the bearer, who will be teased in the playground and come to loathe their name, their parents, and probably the whole world.

I haven’t noticed this to be the case, with most owners of unusual names enjoying, or at least coming to terms with them. I have never met anyone with an unusual name who legally changed it to something more mundane, even those who professed to find it a bit of a pain sometimes. At most, they adopted a pseudonym when booking restaurants.

Another piece of advice often handed out is that a “bizarre” name spelling will be such a nuisance that the bearer will undoubtedly wish that their parents had gone with something more traditional. Again, I don’t find that to be generally true. Some people with unusually spelled names loathe them, while others are delighted by them.

I know someone with a very unintuitive name spelling (think Veeruyniiikkarh for Veronica), and she loves that every letter in her name was individually chosen by her mum, with each one having a specific personal meaning. I thought it would be the most tremendous nuisance to have to spell out every time, but she assures me that she doesn’t mind at all. “It makes me feel special that my name gets so much attention”. For her, holding up queues is an ego-massage.

As I can’t tell you how to pick a name your child won’t hate, I thought I would least explain why they may end up hating it.

They hate themselves

Research has shown that people with high self-esteem tend to like their own name, and the higher their sense of self-worth, the more they liked their name. That suggests that people who dislike their own name may suffer from self-esteem issues.

You might assume that someone who dislikes their name would arrogantly think it not good enough for them, but sometimes it seems to be the other way around – they don’t think they are good enough for their names.

“It’s a popular girl name, it’s just not me”; “It’s too pretty for me carry it off”; or the most tragic I heard, “It sounds like the name of a happy normal person”.

To give your child the best chance of liking their name, make sure that they have high self-esteem. Convince them that they are pretty, popular, happy and normal enough for their name.

Their name is going downhill

A lot of parents worry about popularity; nearly always that the name is “too popular” to use, or is going to be too popular in the future.

However, I’ve noticed that the majority of people who dislike their names were given names that were either falling in popularity when they were born, or hitting their peak, so that they had begun falling by the time they started school.

Not only that, but the level of dislike appears to correlate with how steeply the name rose and fell. Names with a very obvious peak and trough, dating them to a particular era, seem to be the most disliked.

It doesn’t necessarily seem to be the most popular names that are disliked so much as those which display this pattern. For example, Sarah was the #1 name of the 1980s, yet I rarely hear Sarahs complain bitterly about their name. Could that be because Sarah is a classic which is still in the Top 40, so we don’t think of it as a “typical 1980s name”?

I don’t often hear anyone identify the trajectory of their name’s popularity as the reason for their dissatisfaction. They all have what appear to be good reasons for their dislike: it’s unattractive, it’s boring, it doesn’t suit them. Yet somehow it seems to be names falling in popularity which are perceived as ugly, boring, and not suiting their owners.

People given names that were already dated and out of style at the time of their birth (“old people” names) usually say that they hated their name as a child, but now they’re grown up, they appreciate it’s different from the usual names of their generation.

That may because such names sometimes begin to come back into fashion when they are adults. For example, someone born in the 1980s named Florence would have had a dated name, as it peaked in the 1900s. But now it is fashionable and rising in popularity – suddenly Florence has a cool name.

I do think popularity is worth considering – but not to cross off a name because it’s hit a particular point in the charts. Of course, you can’t know how a name will perform in the future, but you can at least see how it’s doing now. Has it maintained its position over several decades? Has it suddenly “come out of nowhere”? Is it already falling steeply? This information might help you choose between different names.

They hate the reason you chose their name

If someone really loves their name, I don’t think a bad name story will seriously ruin it for them, but if someone is already lukewarm, a bad one can add insult to injury. The factors that seem to get people’s goats are a perceived randomness, casualness, or lack of thought in the way their name was selected.

When you tell your child how you chose their name, stress how important it was to you and how much you love their name. If you chose their name from a baby name book, or a TV show, for example, make sure they understand that it wasn’t just by chance you chose their name. Whatever it was that made you fall in love with the name, express it. And don’t wait until they’re a moody teen or resentful adult to share the good news – they should know from an early age how special you think their name is.

I know a lot of people who disliked their names, and were even thinking of changing them, until their parents explained how much love and care had gone into choosing it. Teenagers who thought their parents had unimaginatively picked a popular name found that they had been named after a much-loved relative. A “made up” name that seemed “random” was the result of putting together the initials of their parents’ best friends who introduced them. And sometimes just knowing it was a name their parents loved above all others was enough to reconcile someone to a name they had thought ordinary.

The bottom line: everyone wants their name to be meaningful. Show your child that theirs is.

You hate your name

In some cases, disliking names seems to run in the family. Quite a number of women I know who dislike their names tell me that their mother was also unhappy with her own name. This may be from parental modelling. Just as mothers who constantly moan about their flabby thighs tend to have daughters with body image problems, it could be that mothers who dislike their name unconsciously send the message to their children to focus on anything about their name that fails to please.

If you hate your own name, make peace with it. Don’t try to work out your own issues when choosing your child’s name. So many parents seem to think that because they hated being one of a dozen in their class their child’s name must be rare, or because they hated their nickname their child needs a “nickname proof” name.

It’s well intentioned, but the trouble is that you’ve made your child’s name story all about you. When you tell your child how you chose their name, the story shouldn’t include information about how you felt about your name. Don’t use your child’s name as an opportunity to fix the mistakes of the past.

They hate you

In rare but distressing cases, people reject their names because their relationship with their parents irretrievably breaks down. It’s not uncommon for them to change their names in order to signal a complete break from their family background, and it can also be so their parents can’t easily locate them.

I don’t think this is worth worrying about, because if it occurs, their name isn’t really the issue, and is the least of your problems.

POSTSCRIPT: I should add that most of my observations in regard to name dislike relate to women. It isn’t that I don’t know any men who dislike their names – I know a fair few who hated their name enough to legally change it, and I’ve read a lot of articles written by men on how much they dislike their name.

However, women and girls do seem to more openly express their feelings about their names, and it’s possible that they have subtler emotions toward their name, or are more likely to be analytical about them. Perhaps women are more likely to be “fussy” about their names than men. Whatever the reason, it seems to be easier to gather information about their feelings towards their names (at least for me).

POLL RESULTS
79% of people responding to the poll were generally satisfied with their name. 33% liked their name, 19% loved their name, 18% weren’t mad about their name, but could live with it, and 9% said that they used to dislike their name, but had changed their mind and now felt positive towards it.

However, 12% of people did hate their name, while 9% thought that hate was too strong a word to use, but they didn’t really like their names either.

The good news is, most of us have names that we are content with, and around 10% of people who don’t like their name will change their minds.

(Picture from Naver)

Celebrity Sibset: Wendy Harmer

17 Saturday Aug 2013

Posted by in Sibsets in the News

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Wendy Harmer is a highly successful comedian, who for many years has entertained on stage, television and radio. She was the first woman in Australia to host her own comedy show, The Big Gig, in 1989, and for more than a decade she was co-host of a top-rating breakfast show on 2-Day FM, when she became one of the nation’s highest paid entertainers.

Wendy is a prolific and successful author, having written humour for adults, chick lit novels, teen fiction, kid’s books, two plays, and the libretto for an opera. Her best-selling children’s series, Pearlie the Fairy, has been turned into an animated TV show. She is also editor of The Hoopla, a women’s news and opinion site.

Wendy is married to Brendan Donohoe, and has two children. Her son is named Marley (aged about 15), and her daughter is named Maeve (aged about 13).

Wendy appears to be yet another star of radio with a bee-lined bonnet in regard to baby names, because she has written an article about them for The Hoopla. It’s one of those “names not to call your baby” lists, which I must admit I don’t usually care for, because they don’t seem to really be helpful to parents so much as bullying anyone who happens to have different tastes and opinions from yourself.

Interestingly, Rule Number 2 on the list states that you shouldn’t use a famous person’s surname as your child’s name. Her son is named after Bob Marley. Okaaaay. Number 4 is that you musn’t name all your children with same letter. Mmmmm.

This article is an “update” of an earlier one, where one of the pieces of advice was that the pronunciation of your child’s name should be clear from the way it is spelled. Even now, when the name is quite well-known, some people don’t know how to pronounce Maeve from its spelling, and think that it must be MAY-vee or mah-EEV.

I do notice that so often when parents criticise baby names, the same criticisms could be levelled at their own children’s names. The most obvious example is that rather ghastly woman who said that place names as baby names were lower-class, when her own daughter was named after a country in Asia. I guess we all have mother-blindness about our baby names, and I have been guilty of the same thing myself – it’s an easy trap to fall into, but luckily I didn’t do it on TV or anything.

When we come up with rules on naming babies which we ourselves cannot stick to, it may be a sign that the rules aren’t all that useful. Just a thought!

Wendy doesn’t like her own name, which peaked at #15 in the 1950s, when Wendy was born. Part of her disappointment is that her mother chose the name out of a knitting pattern book, when the layette she was knitting was called the “Wendy”. She imagined that she had been named after Wendy Darling from Peter Pan, so being named after a knitting pattern didn’t seem so special.

Wendy much prefers her father’s choice for her name, which was Claire, the name of her beloved great-aunt. In the 1950s, Claire was #224; it rose steeply in popularity during the 1960s and ’70s, and has been in the Top 100 since the 1980s.

Now I think that’s really useful naming advice taken from real life. It may not be the best idea to choose a baby name peaking in popularity and about to fall and become dated, or select one virtually at random.

A better choice could be a classic which is lower in popularity and about to start rising, to become very popular in the long-term future. And it’s probably preferable to honour a beloved family member than to name your baby after a product – it’s nice to have a name which has some significance.

Think about the name story you are going to pass on to your child – a knitting pattern clearly doesn’t cut it. And sometimes dad knows best.

PS Wendy did manage to give the name Claire to one of her characters, the heroine of her novel, Farewell My Ovaries.

(Picture of Wendy and her family taken some years ago at Uluru; photo from Body + Soul)

Is August a Boy’s Name, or the Name of a Month?

10 Saturday Aug 2013

Posted by in Naming Assistance

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Olivia and Dale are from New Zealand, and they are expecting their third child towards the end of the year. Their son is named Innes, and their daughter is Abigail, and they have a fairly common surname beginning with C and ending with N eg Charlton.

Olivia likes male names which are generally softer in sound, such as Henry, Abel, Arlo, Eli, Miller and Soren, but Dale has vetoed all these ideas.

Dale, who is of Swedish heritage, would prefer a Scandinavian-style name, and only likes three names for a boy: Lachlan, Stellan, and August. Although Olivia likes Lachlan, she feels that it is too popular for their common surname, and Stellan is the cat’s name.

By elimination, that leaves August as their front-runner, but they have had mixed reactions when they have asked for people’s opinions. Some love it, while to others, August is a month, not a boy’s name. The Charltons live in an area where boys tend to have unspectacular names, and Olivia wonders whether August is too far out.

The middle names they are thinking of using are Leander and James. Leander has special significance for them, because Olivia and Dale were both in the navy, and met on a Leander class frigate. Olivia suggested Leander as the first name, but Dale vetoed it. James is a family name, but it was mostly chosen because it flows well with Leander.

Olivia wants to know whether August Leander James C_____n works as a name, and if there are any other soft-sounding Scandinavian-style boy’s names they might like.

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You’ve already discovered that some people love the name August, and I guess you can add one more, because I adore August. I think it’s handsome and stylish, and it seems perfect for you. It honours Dale’s Swedish heritage, it’s a softer boy’s name, and you get fashionable nicknames from it like Gus and Augie. It sounds fantastic with the middle names you’ve chosen, and I would count August Leander James as one of the nicest boy’s names I’ve heard recently.

It may not sound like the boy’s names in your area, but our childrens’ names don’t have to fit in with the neighbours. It would be foolish to make them so when you could relocate later, new people could move to your area, and your son is unlikely to live in the same place for his entire life – and even if he did, the demographics of the area would change over time.

I suspect this isn’t really a huge concern for you, since Innes isn’t exactly a run of the mill name either, and I’m sure everyone around you has coped with it. I think Innes and August are really well-suited as brothers, by the way.

You’ve had some mixed reactions to the name August, but it doesn’t sound as if the mixture is people who love it and people who hate it – it seems more as if people either love it, or it confuses them. They hear August, and think, But August is a month … I know you can call girls April or May, but can you call boys after a month? And why is his name going to be August when he’s due late in the year?

If people seem a bit taken aback or confused when you tell them your son is named August, I would just briefly explain that it is the Scandinavian form of Augustus, and that Dale has Swedish heritage. And if they still seem a bit hesitant, maybe you could mention a famous August, so they have something concrete to attach to the name.

I would pick whatever August you think people you know would most readily connect to. So – August, like the Swedish playwright August Strindberg, or August, like Nicolas Cage’s dad, or August, like in that film “August Rush”, or August, like August Booth from “Once Upon a Time”. Or you could mention some celebrities who have sons named August, like Mariska Hargitay and Jeanne Tripplehorn.

I think that explanation would satisfy 95% of people, and the other 5% either need more time to get used to it, or they are just stuck on August being a month, and can’t, or won’t, get past it.

Other Softish-Sounding Boys Names

  • Ari
  • Bo
  • Elias
  • Hugo
  • Lars
  • Magnus
  • Matthias
  • Oscar
  • Theo
  • Tobias

These names either have a Scandinavian origin, or are currently popular in Sweden (like August), or have a history of use there. However, I honestly prefer August to any of these names.

Olivia and Dale, you’ve plenty of time to change your minds if you come up with a name you like better, but I’m kind of hoping you don’t, because I think August is a brilliant choice. Please let us know what you decided on once your little boy arrives!

NAME UPDATE: The baby’s name is August Leander James!

POLL RESULTS: Most people (69%) said they wouldn’t assume the name August was after the month, with 22% assuming August was derived from the name Augustus, and 47% refusing to make any assumptions at all. 16% of people said they would assume August was after the month, but nearly all of them thought that would be cool. Only one person (less than 1%) thought August was an odd name because of the month.

The name August Leander James received an overwhelmingly positive response, with 81% of people giving it a thumbs up. 55% thought it was a fantastic choice, while 26% said it was nicely put together. Not one person thought there was something seriously wrong with it.

A Sibling Name for Harper

03 Saturday Aug 2013

Posted by in Naming Assistance

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Carissa and Nick Taylor are expecting their second child towards the end of the year, and they have a daughter named Harper Joy – Harper’s middle name is a family name.

If Harper had been a boy, the name they had picked out was Jensen, so that seemed an obvious choice for a boy’s name. However, they seem to be gradually losing interest in Jensen, and are now thinking of Carson instead. The only thing that bothers Carissa is that she wonders if Carson is too close in sound to her own name. The middle name for a boy will be Carissa’s maiden name, Fero.

They are having real problems deciding on a girl name that will match Harper. They love Avery, but dislike the idea of Ava as the nickname, and Carissa is concerned that the name will always remind her of Avery the stationery company.

They also love Quinn, but when they try to match it with a feminine middle name, it sounds too much like Queen ____. For example, Quinn Mary = Queen Mary. If they go with a more unisex middle name, it sounds “too American” to them. The middle names they are likely to use for a girl are Grace, May or Poppy (family names).

The Taylors don’t have any problems with popular names, but nothing in the Top 100 happens to appeal to them – except Willow, which isn’t possible for them to use for personal reasons.

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Name for a Boy

I get the feeling that Jensen is slipping away from you – part of the reason is probably that you think of it as Harper’s-name-if-she-had-been-a-boy, so it’s now hard for you to get enthusiastic about it on a new baby.

To me, Carson and Carissa sound similar, but not too similar, but I think this is something you have to decide for yourself. It might be a good idea to have Nick call out “Carson!” and then call out “Carissa!” and see if you can easily tell which one is your name from a distance (say, out in the back yard).

There’s nothing like road-testing a name for a week, so start using the name Carson in sentences all the time and see if it feels right to you. Talk to each other about Carson – “Carson came top of his class in maths this term; I think that extra tutoring is really helping” or “Carson has this weird rash on his left ankle. If I take him to the doctor, will they think I’m over-reacting?”.

Talk to Carson as if he’s there and already been part of your family for years. Call him to dinner, tell him to take those muddy football boots outside, talk to him about the family holiday you’re planning, ask him what colour he’d like his room to be painted. Does Carson sound like a name you can imagine saying for a lifetime? Is it a name that feels like it fits into your family? Can you imagine saying, “These are my children, Harper and Carson”?

You asked whether Jensen or Carson was more popular: Jensen is #149 in Victoria, and Carson doesn’t chart at all in Australia, although it is a Top 100 name in the US. I see Jensen fairly often in birth notices, but I can only remember seeing Carson a couple of times – once as a girl’s middle name. If popularity is a factor for you, then Carson is definitely the less common name.

Name for a Girl

If you had asked me to pick a sister for Harper, with no other information given, my top two suggestions would have been Avery and Quinn, so I think you have two excellent choices there.

Avery

It never occurred to me until you wrote it that Ava could be a nickname for Avery. While it’s hard to control what nicknames people will bestow on your child, I do feel as if Ava is the type of nickname which is not likely to take off if the parents don’t approve of it and give it their blessing. If I knew a little girl called Avery, and her mum and dad always referred to her as Ava, then I might call her that too, but I’d never think of just deciding to call her Ava on my own – maybe because I’d figure that if they’d wanted the name Ava, they would have chosen it in the first place.

As far as the stationery company goes, how often do you come across Avery? Do you have to use their products every day at work, or is it more that you’ll sometimes buy a box of labels for your Christmas cards? If you love the name Avery, I really don’t think you’ll be reminded of the stationery company once your baby girl arrives – Avery will be your daughter, and that will be it. Stationery isn’t a horrible association, and buying from Avery might even give you a bit of a buzz – seeing her name on a box of labels will probably be a thrill for a little girl named Avery anyway.

While Avery Grace or Avery May sounds nice, I think your own middle name would be lovely with Avery – Avery Elizabeth. If you were willing to share it, I think that one’s a winner.

Quinn

I see what you mean about the middle name issue with Quinn, which does make it slightly trickier for a girl’s name. I see girls named Quinn quite often in birth announcements, and what I’ve noticed is that they tend to be paired with a fairly modern or slightly gender-ambiguous middle name. Some from the blog are Quinn Eden, Quinn Gracyn, Quinn Cedar, and Quinn Brielle. I don’t think these sound “too American” – they just sound modern.

I don’t think Quinn sounds awful with any of the middle names on your list, but I wonder whether you might prefer it with a nature name eg Quinn Aspen, Quinn Autumn, Quinn Maple, Quinn Meadow, Quinn Saffron, Quinn Winter? To me, that solves the problem of Quinn + Girl Name, but at the same time, nearly everyone would recognise Quinn Meadow as a female name. It also fits in with Harper, who has a vocabulary word as her middle name.

If your heart is set on a family name, I like Quinn Poppy best, as it’s a nature name. You might also want to separate the names with another middle name, such as Quinn Winter Poppy.

Other Unisex Names for Girls

  • Arden
  • Ariel
  • Aubrey
  • Emerson
  • Fallon
  • Frankie
  • Marley
  • Morgan
  • Peyton
  • Remy

These names are all unisex, but more common on girls (like Avery), or fairly equally given to boys and girls (like Quinn). The one which appeals to me most is Arden, but I admit that might make a boy named Carson seem less usable down the track.

Well I hope that’s given you some food for thought. You’re still quite a way from your due date, so feel free to write in again as more ideas come to you!

NAME UPDATE: The baby was a boy, and his name is Jensen!

(Picture shows a vintage card with a female harpist)

Name Update: His Name is Henry

01 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Name Updates

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Hannah and James contacted the blog a couple of months ago; although they are from the United States, they were willing to let me have a look at their name list for their third son. Hannah and James liked both classic names, and newer names as well, and in the end they decided upon

HENRY MICHAEL

brother to William and Griffin.

Henry is such a handsome name, and a classic like William, while the sibset of William, Griffin and Henry sounds very masculine and even noble.

They are completely happy with the choice they have made, and the name fits their son perfectly. Hannah has written to say that she does feel that writing in to the blog was helpful in their search for the right name, and wishes to thank both me and the blog readers for assistance. I seem to recall that Henry was rather a favourite in the polls.

Congratulations Hannah and James, and welcome Henry!

A Quick Guide to Swistle: Baby Names

21 Sunday Jul 2013

Posted by in Blog Reviews

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Swistle’s Name

Kristen is the insightful blogger behind Swistle: Baby Names, but she writes under the whimsical name Swistle, with her avatar labelled as Swistle, of Thistleville. I’m not sure what she intended by the pen name, but it reminds me of a wind whistling through a field of thistles – someone with a mind which is cool, sharp and practical.

Who is Swistle?

Swistle is the doyenne of personalised baby name advice columnists. From reading her blogs, the impression I get of Swistle is that she is a person with exacting standards, but realistic expectations. Which I think is the perfect mindset for a baby name advice blogger.

The Premise of the Blog

People write in with their baby name dilemmas, and Swistle answers them. Along the way, interesting naming issues come up for discussion, such as whether babies choose their own names, or what happens when all the names you like are really popular, or how to stop someone from using a nickname for your baby that you hate, or why isn’t Parsley a name. But plenty of people just want to know the correct pronunciation of a name they are considering, wonder which spelling of a name would be best, or seek to make their sibset sound harmonious, or at least not terrible.

Getting Involved

You are free to weigh in with your own opinions by leaving a comment, and if you don’t feel you have anything new to add, you can often participate in public polls.

Updates

When the parents eventually have their baby, they write back and tell us all what name they chose, and sometimes include a photo of their new bub so we can see how well the name suits them. (At this point, you may find that the parents have ignored every piece of advice given to them, and gone with the name they wanted to use all along, even though nobody liked it, and tried to persuade them not to use it).

Getting Help From Swistle

You need to email her with your problem – Swistle provides information on how best to get your letter selected, because not every letter can be published. She says she only answers questions from US parents, but if you aren’t from the USA, you may be able to get your letter published on general naming topics. I have seen one Australian get their letter published.

Swistle’s Favourite Baby Name Book

The Baby Name Wizard by Laura Wattenberg. She also keeps a close eye on the US popularity charts.

How Long Has Swistle Been Blogging?

She began Swistle: Baby Names in February 2008, but she had been blogging since 2006 on a personal level. She was on Blogspot until earlier this year, when she moved onto her own website (a process which involved much wailing and gnashing of teeth, apparently).

Swistle’s Other Blogs

Swistle, which is a personal/parenting blog, and Milk and Cookies, which is a shopping blog.

Swistle on Social Media

You can connect with her through the Facebook page for the baby names blog, and through Twitter, but this is a personal account and not primarily for baby names.

Other Places That Swistle Has Written About Names

Nameberry, BlogHer and Pregnancy & Newborn magazine. She has also been recommended on Disney Baby’s Best Blogs for Baby Name Inspiration.

Swistle’s Children

She has five children, including a pair of twins. On her blog, she uses as their aliases Robert, William, twins Elizabeth and Edward, and Henry. However, she explains on BlogHer that their names are actually closer in style to Ian, Keegan, Clarissa, James, and Caleb.

Baby Name Advice from Swistle

She has prepared a “cheat sheet” for expectant parents, to help them start their baby name quest the right way. Here’s the low down:

  • Make a list
  • Consider people, places and fictional characters you may want to honour
  • Check the popularity rankings
  • Even on your first baby, think ahead to future sibling names
  • See the middle name as a place to have fun and seek compromise
  • Be reassured that everything will work out

The best advice I think that Swistle has ever offered on her blog is that there are NO RULES when it comes to choosing baby names. So many people limit their choice of baby name according to what they think they “should” pick, that they end up eliminating all their favourite names, or find that there are no names left that they like.

(Picture shows a field of Nodding Thistles)

Can You Suggest an Old-Fashioned Sibling Name That’s Nickname-proof?

06 Saturday Jul 2013

Posted by in Naming Assistance

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a0a4d2ce42332c0a1d4e469c79ec8a71Jodie and Drew are expecting their second child next month, and don’t know what the sex will be. They have a daughter named Audrey, and would like a name which sounds good with that. Jodie really likes vintage style names, and prefers ones that can’t be shortened into a nickname. They have lists of names for both boys and girls, but each possible name seems to have its own issues to think about.

Jodie and Drew’s Boy List

  • Archer (not sure about nickname Archie, or whether it goes with Audrey)
  • Emerson (maybe too out there?)
  • Hugo (too common?)
  • Spencer (too preppy?)
  • Louis (people might pronounce it like Lewis, instead of LOO-ee)
  • Edmund (don’t want it shortened to Ed)

Jodie and Drew’s Girl List

  • Florence (Drew isn’t keen, and it might get shortened to Flo)
  • Gwendoline (a family name – will get shortened to Gwen)
  • Sadie (Drew loves it, but it almost seems too nicknamey already)
  • Mabel (too common-sounding and undignified next to Audrey?)
  • Madeline (it will be shortened to Maddie)
  • Hilary (it might get shortened to Hil)
  • Clementine (Jodie likes it, Drew doesn’t; it could get shortened to Clem)

Names Jodie and Drew Have Rejected

Middle Names

  • Boys – they are thinking of using Alistair, which is a family name, but it’s not decided yet.
  • Girl – Jodie would like to use Ann, which is a very important family name, but Drew isn’t keen on the idea.
  • In either case, the second middle name would be Jodie’s surname, which is a one syllable name.

Jodie is hoping to find a classic, old-fashioned name which doesn’t seem strange, but isn’t in the Top 50, and if possible, not in the Top 100. She doesn’t mind if the name becomes more popular later, but doesn’t like the idea of a name which is falling in popularity, in case it quickly dates.

The surname begins with B and ends with T, for example, Barrett, and they don’t want a name which starts with B. Ideally, the name would be one that can’t be turned into a nickname, and doesn’t sound too nicknamey either. They especially need help with boy’s names.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I can understand wanting to limit what nicknames others can use from your child’s name, but I don’t think it’s possible to completely control it, or even predict what nicknames will be bestowed. There are Elizabeths who are never called anything but their full name, and there are boys named Max who are called Maxy, Max Kersplatz, Mini-Max, and Sir Maxalot.

People can be quite creative in bestowing nicknames, and your baby will soon become a little person with their own ideas. They could be happy to accept a nickname from their family and friends, and may even feel sad and left out if they don’t have one.

Rather than worrying about whether Louis will be Lou or Spencer called Spence, you can at least never use a nickname for your child yourself, and, up to a certain age, you can politely correct people who try to give them one. However, at some point you will have to let go and allow them to decide for themself.

With the middle names, I love Alistair as the middle name for a boy, and it would sound okay with all the names you are considering.

I understand that Ann is a special family name, and it’s also your daughter’s middle name (as well as other family members). I get the appeal of that – it’s like they’re all in this secret family Ann club. I am wondering though why Drew isn’t keen on the idea? Is there a family name from his side that he’d like to use? Or does he think that two sisters should have their own individual names and identities?

The children will be sharing a second middle name anyway, so perhaps sharing both middle names isn’t really necessary. If it’s extremely important to that Ann is used as the middle name, perhaps you could allow Drew to pick his favourite name for a girl, as a concession. And maybe if he convinces you to not use Ann, you could use a middle name from his side of the family instead.

YOUR NAME LISTS

Boys

  • Archer: I think it sounds nice with Audrey, but a nickname of Arch or Archie does seem likely.
  • Emerson: It doesn’t seem too out there, although it is more common for girls.
  • Hugo: I think Hugo is dashing, sounds really good with your surname and chosen middle name, and Audrey and Hugo is an adorable sibset.
  • Spencer: I guess Spencer might be a little preppy. I think only you can decide if it’s too preppy. I do like Audrey and Spencer.
  • Louis: I think this would be a fantastic choice, if you can cope with people sometimes saying his name LOO-is, which I agree could easily happen.
  • Edmund: I absolutely love this name, and I think it is utterly perfect as a match for Audrey. I feel as if people would only call him Ed if that was a nickname he liked himself.

Girls

  • Florence: I don’t think it would be shortened to Flo, which seems pretty old-fashioned. However, as Drew doesn’t care for it, I think it’s off the list anyway.
  • Gwendoline: Gwen does seem a fairly likely nickname for Gwendoline. If you decided not to go with Ann in the middle, I think Gwendoline would make a wonderful and meaningful middle name.
  • Sadie: If you insist on Ann in the middle, then it would be nice to let Drew choose this one. Sadie Ann is cute.
  • Mabel: I don’t think Mabel sounds undignified at all, and I like Audrey and Mabel a lot. To me they are rather similar, in that they can both sound cute for a little girl, but suitable for an adult too.
  • Madeline: I agree – this will get shortened to Maddie. And it’s also falling in popularity, which is one of the things you didn’t want.
  • Hilary: I don’t think it would automatically become Hil, but I’m not sure how much I love this name with Audrey.
  • Clementine: I think this is a very pretty name, and unlikely to be shortened to Clem, but as Drew doesn’t like it, I don’t think it’s a possibility.

BOYS

These are boys names I thought of that don’t have an obvious nickname. Some of them are on the Top 100, but lower than Archer.

  • Arlo
  • Drake
  • Elias
  • Felix
  • Jasper
  • Jude
  • Rex
  • Rufus
  • Stirling
  • Winston

GIRLS

These are girls names that didn’t seem straightforward to turn into nicknames. None of them are on the Top 100, and they are all vintage or retro style.

  • Cecilia
  • Celia
  • Clara
  • Cora
  • Eloise
  • Esme
  • Helena
  • Lydia
  • May
  • Pearl

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Out of the names you’ve chosen I like Mabel best for a girl, and Mabel Ann sounds sweet, if you convince Drew that Ann in the middle really is a good idea. For a boy, Edmund makes me swoon, but if you can’t get over the thought of someone calling him Ed one day, then Hugo Alistair is gorgeous.

Out of the names I came up with, I think Winston is the best match with Audrey, and Rex is the only name on the list which is old-fashioned, uncommon, gaining in popularity, and can’t be shortened into a nickname. It’s not a classic, but it’s not far off. For girls I love Clara as a sister to Audrey, and Celia Gwendoline is lovely. Several of the girls names are classics, and a couple are so rare they don’t chart at all.

Good luck Jodie and Drew – you picked an absolute winner with Audrey, and I’m sure you’ll do just as well second-time around. Let us know whether you have a boy or a girl, and what name you decide upon for him or her!

NAME UPDATE: The baby was a boy, and his name is Archer!

POLL RESULTS
The public’s choice for the baby’s name was Mabel for a girl and Hugo for a boy.

(Photo of vintage-style nursery from Spearmint Baby)

Interview with Elisabeth from You Can’t Call It “It”!

16 Sunday Jun 2013

Posted by in Blog Reviews

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mothersday

Elisabeth Wilborn is the stylish blogger at long-time favourite amongst name nerds, You Can’t Call it “It”! Elisabeth’s blog is very popular (I bet you’ve been there already!), and I think it’s because she not only has great taste in names, she has a wonderful sense of fun. After years of blogging, Elisabeth has tons of name information to draw upon, all neatly catalogued, and a very lively following who are eager to discuss, debate, suggest, and furiously disagree with each other on the subject of names. This is a blog you will absolutely love if you are passionate about name trends but don’t take yourself too seriously.

What is your name?

Elisabeth Wilborn

Have you ever wished you had a different name?

I used to want to be Olivia, when the name was rarely heard. I thought my parents really missed the boat on Olivia Wilborn, doesn’t that have a nice rhythm? I also tried to go by Libby and Betsy at various points – but they never stuck. It’s funny, because one of the reason my parents chose Elisabeth was because it has so many nicknames.

At what age did you first begin getting interested in names?

From the time I could read I think I was interested in names. They always painted their own portrait to me, and I was astounded, even as a little girl, how certain names seemed to “go together.” Even as a child I could be found in the baby name books section, sandwiched between the preggos. My parents also encouraged a love of language and etymology, which naturally translates to names.

What inspired you to begin a name blog?

After having my first child and doing so much research on names, I felt I could have named a village. I was so overflowing with information at that point, a blog seemed like a natural progression. Abby Sandel’s wonderful Appellation Mountain, which began a few months before YCCII, definitely helped light a fire to create my own space.

You have been successfully blogging for several years now. How have your ideas about names changed during that time?

I just celebrated my fifth blogging anniversary! I can hardly believe it. My tastes have definitely grown to include more genres, and now that my children are school-aged, I’m less likely to come down so harsh on certain names.

You Can’t Call It “It” has its own website now, which looks really stylish. How difficult was it to do that?

Why thank you! Getting off WordPress was a bit of a challenge, and I hired help to transfer data and find hosting. The design I did myself using a template program.

What other blogs do you have, or write for?

I have a child style blog called The Itsy Factor (get it?), which is a little sleepy at the moment. I am also a regular contributor to Apartment Therapy and Nameberry. The blog has been featured online at Babble, Making It Lovely, Design Mom, in print at Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine, and I was even on television as the baby name consultant for Bravo TV’s Pregnant in Heels. I do the Facebook and Twitter thing, and I also have a very active Pinterest following. I’m kind of an addict.

Do you have a favourite blog entry on You Can’t Call It “It”!?

7 Deadly Trends is probably what I’m best known for. It was written in 2008, and I can think of a few that I’d like to add! One of the most fun entries ever was when I asked people their children’s names, and then I would tell them my first instincts about their family, soothsayer style. What shocked all of us is that it was pretty dead-on.

What has been the highlight of your name-blogging career so far?

The people I’ve been able to connect with through blogging. Getting an email from Pamela Redmond Satran out of the blue complimenting me on the blog, and subsequently having lunch and becoming friends with her was pretty cool. She and Linda Rosenkrantz wrote the first books on baby names that really honed in on style, and definitely help shape some perspective for me as a young girl. It was also pretty thrilling to be on television!

Do you have a pet naming peeve?

Tacking unnecessary endings onto a normal name is one of my current annoyances.

What are some of your favourite names?

I love so many! I tend to like underused names with a lot of history – Cecily, Leopold. Things like that.

What names do you dislike, despite your best efforts at being broad minded?

I have an irrational dislike for the etch sound. Gretchen and Fletcher are perfectly respectable names, but all I hear is wretch.

Are there any names you love, but could never use?

Most of my favourites have been vetoed. It’s tragic, really. But the art of naming is also inextricably intertwined with the art of compromise. I feel lucky that I got to use two names that I find exciting and meaningful.

What are your favourite names in the US Top 100?

Charlotte (#19) is a true-love name for me, and one that my other half obsesses over, but my own vanity couldn’t get over its popularity. Sebastian (#64) is also gorgeous, I’m glad to see people pick up on it.

What are your favourite names in the rest of the US Top 1000?

There are so many! People are discovering some great names, and using them. There’s Rosemary (#603), Theodore (#197), Adelaide (#343). Do Australians call their daughters Adelaide? Answer: Yes! Adelaide is #232 in New South Wales and #598 in Victoria.

What is your favourite name that has never charted in the US?

Melisande. Shhh!

What are your children’s names?

Beatrix and Eulalie.

If you found out you were pregnant right now, what would be the first names you would think about using for the baby?

Currently loving Marguerite and Arthur.

Have you and your husband ever disagreed while choosing baby names together? How compatible are your tastes in names?

When haven’t we disagreed? He loves names like Domino and Alabama. I want names that would wear well on a queen.

What is something we don’t know about you?

When I was born, my fourth toe was longer than my middle toe. They look pretty normal now, but I still get teased about it.

What advice would you give to someone who was choosing a baby name?

Envision your 16-year-old asking one day why you chose their name. What will you answer?

(The photo is of Elisabeth with her girls, from You Can’t Call It “It”!)

Choosing Between Two Baby Names

09 Sunday Jun 2013

Posted by in Your Questions Answered

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k-bigpicA lot of times, parents end up with two front-runners on their baby name list – both equally good choices, both equally loved. They’re usually fairly similar in style and popularity, which makes it harder to decide.

One of the most common questions used to search for the blog is choosing between two different names, so today I thought we would take one of these questions as an example of different ways you could use to make the choice between names. Not all of them will work for you, but hopefully at least one of them will make sense.

The names I’ve chosen are Sophia nn “Sophie” and Matilda nn “Tilly“, which are only four places apart in the 2012 NSW 100. For the purposes of the exercise, I’ve picked the surname Conway out of the phone book, and we will imagine that the middle name has to be Jane, after grandma. The baby’s siblings are named Audrey and William nn “Will“.

Check how each name sounds with the middle name and surname

Take your names on a road test by trying all possible combinations of each name, including nicknames and initials.

Sophia Jane, Sophia Conway, Sophia Jane Conway, Sophie Conway, S Conway, SJ Conway, SJC

OR

Matilda Jane, Matilda Conway, Matilda Jane Conway, Tilly Conway, M Conway, MJ Conway, MJC

Don’t just write them down on a piece of paper, say them aloud. Put them into sentences. Sophie, please set the table for dinner … Tilly, where were you? I was so worried! This road test from Baby Name Genie is quite good.

Call them out – Sophia, are you ready for school? Matilda Jane Conway, get in here this instant! (The usual advice seems to be to do this in a supermarket or playground, but where I live, this will get you called “the crazy woman who yelled at an imaginary person in the supermarket/playground” for the next forty years. Everyone else must have more open-minded supermarkets, or else they drive to another town to do it or something.)

Does one name appeal more than another when you say it out aloud? Do you prefer the smooth sound of Sophia Conway, or the perky lilt of Tilly Conway? Does Matilda Jane seem “right” to you, in a way that Sophia Jane doesn’t? Do the initials MJ bug you for some indefinable reason?

Check how each name sounds with the siblings

Audrey, William and Sophia

OR

Audrey, William and Matilda

Which one can you best imagine as Audrey and William’s baby sister? Can you see yourself saying, These are my children – Audrey, William and Sophia or My kids are called Audrey, Will and Tilly? Do Will and Tilly sound too much alike to your ears?

Popularity

If you care about popularity even a little (and let’s face it, most of us do), have a quick check of each name’s popularity. Not just how popular it is now, but whether it is becoming more or less popular.

Sophia is still climbing in popularity, while Matilda has begun to descend in the charts, although both names are fairly stable – Sophia rose only 1 place last year, while Matilda didn’t move.

While both names have a similar popularity, Sophia is likely to become more popular, and perhaps even reach #1, as it has in the United States. Matilda is unlikely to overtake its peak of #16, but will probably remain fairly popular for some time.

A lot of parents have a great anxiety about their baby’s name becoming “too popular” and reject names on an upward trajectory, but I think names rising in popularity are nothing to be afraid of. For girls especially, having a rising name seems to correlate with liking their own name a great deal.

In this case, they may not have too many years to have a rising name, as Sophia could peak fairly soon. You may want to take the nickname into account and consider the popularity of Sophie too.

In practice, parents are going to be more concerned about local popularity – if they know ten Matildas and no Sophias in their neighbourhood, Sophia is going to be more attractive to them, no matter what the charts say.

As we don’t have crystal balls or the ability to control other parents’ names choices, I think it’s wisest to educate ourselves about popularity, but not to fret over it.

Wait until the baby is born before deciding

This must be the most common piece of advice handed out to indecisive parents, and with good reason: a lot of the time it seems to work. Many parents seem able to instinctively feel that their baby looks like a particular name, and no other can be considered. They look at their daughter, and know at once she is a Matilda, and not a Sophia, and the question is settled.

It doesn’t work for everyone, or for every baby, so I would consider this a technique you would hope to work, rather than expect it to.

Flip a coin

This is another common piece of advice handed out when you need to make a decision. It’s not as silly as it sounds, because the important part is not whether you get heads or tails, but how the outcome makes you feel. In other words, the coin toss is just a way to gauge your gut reaction. You toss a coin, and you get heads, which means the name is Matilda. Do you feel a pang of loss that it isn’t Sophia? Were you secretly hoping it would be tails? Maybe your gut is telling you something.

Choose a third option

If you get all the way through this and you still can’t decide between Sophia and Matilda, chances are neither name is right. Maybe the perfect name has been staring you in the face the whole time, and you’ve been too distracted obsessing over Sophia and Matilda to notice it. Stop obsessing, and the right name might make itself known to you.

Things to consider

  • It’s fine to ask other people for their opinions, but don’t follow them blindly. Asking too many people may end up confusing you more, so it’s best to limit how many people you ask, and choose them wisely. The best people to talk to are those that ask you questions to help you understand your own feelings better, rather than people who just tell you their own opinions, and those who can share their own experiences, so you can learn what techniques worked for other people.
  • If you are hesitating about a name because of the middle name or the nickname, that’s something that might be easily fixed. For example, if Sophie as a nn for Sophia seems too common, you could always use Fia. If you think Tilly sounds odd next to a brother named Will, maybe Tilda or Matti is more pleasing to you (or you might just choose to be glad you didn’t nickname William “Billy”). If you don’t love Sophia Jane, perhaps you could add another middle and call her Sophia Violet Jane instead. Think about whether a particular issue can be changed to suit you better before you cross it off.
  • Trust your instincts. There’s no right or wrong answer, so go with what feels right to you. A name doesn’t have to tick every box to be the right one.
  • Don’t stress over the decision or over-think it. In the grander scheme of things, it doesn’t make a huge difference whether you pick Sophia or Matilda – they are both nice names. Since there isn’t a wrong choice to make, you might as well relax about it!

Have you ever had to choose between two names which both seemed perfect? How did you make a choice?