Tag Archives: choosing baby names

He Says Ari, She Says Arlo: Can You Help This Couple Agree on a Baby Name?

08 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by in Naming Assistance

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Ari

Rebecca and Daniel are expecting their second child in about a month, a brother for their son Xavier, and are having a very difficult time agreeing on a name for him. When they chose Xavier’s name, it took them the entire pregnancy to decide on a list of six names, and they picked his name after he was born.

At the moment, Rebecca’s choice for the baby’s name is Arlo, while Daniel’s is Ari. Rebecca doesn’t mind Ari, but finds it a bit nicknamey, and her cousin has a son with that name. Daniel thinks Arlo sounds good on a child, but won’t suit an adult.

They have a list of names they have made together, but they don’t love any of them, and none of them feel like Xavier’s brother:

  • Alexander (a bit boring with Xavier?)
  • Beau
  • Lucas (good name, but too popular)
  • Nash
  • Nate (maybe as a nickname for Nathaniel)
  • Oscar (Rebecca loves it, but Daniel says it’s good for a child, not an adult)
  • Quinn
  • Sebastian (too soft next to Xavier?)
  • William (too popular)

Rebecca has been passionate about baby names all her life, and has had a list of names picked out since she was about fourteen. Unfortunately, Daniel hates almost every name on that list, so their current list doesn’t really reflect her personal naming style. She would love a boy’s name that is strong and unusual, but not so obscure that nobody has ever heard of it.

It’s also hard finding a name that goes with their surname, which sounds like Gibbon, but doesn’t start with G.

Rebecca hopes that people will be able to suggest some names that provide a middle ground between Ari and Arlo, and suit both she and Daniel. Although what she’d really like is a rock-solid case for using Arlo that will convince Daniel it’s the perfect name!

* * * * * * * * * *

I don’t have a rock-solid case, but I agree with you that Arlo is a great name, and would make a fantastic match with Xavier. It’s hip, spunky, cool, and to me, happy sounding. I think it’s possible Daniel finds it hard to visualise on an adult because it’s so much more common for children at the moment, so he thinks of it as a “little kid” name – the opposite problem to names like Mildred or Herbert, that we tend to think of as “old person” names, because we know so few younger people with those names.

I think it was on Upswing Baby Names that I saw a tip from Angela about trying to visualise a name on different age groups (I can’t find the post now, so I apologise if I am getting this twisted in some way). I think she suggested using the Google Image search to look for real life examples of a particular name.

When I Googled Arlo, I did find tons of children and babies, but also some adult Arlos. There’s soccer player Arlo White, skater Arlo Eisenberg, singer Arlo McKinley, this conservationist, this managing director with a PhD from Cambridge, this computer science PhD candidate at Berkeley, and this guy photographed with his fiancée. Having a good look at them, I think the name still suits them all as adults, and that the name fits them just as much as it does an Arlo in nappies, or an Arlo on his tricycle.

But to be fair, I think Ari is an equally great name that would be an equally fantastic match with Xavier. I don’t think of it as a “nicknamey name” – I know Jewish people often use it as a short form of the Hebrew name Ariel, but it’s also a name in its own right in several different languages and cultures. And even as short for Ariel, I don’t think it’s “nicknamey” in a cutesy or child-like way. To me it seems strong and masculine, yet in an intelligent and romantic way, rather than a butch way.

I wonder if the real problem for you is that it is the name of your cousins’s son? It may be hard for you to imagine on your own child because of that.

While the easiest solution would be for one of you to magically change your minds, and say, Actually I now think Arlo is pretty perfect, or On further reflection, Ari would make a great name for our baby, if one of you isn’t keen on a name, sad to say, it can’t be the perfect name for you, no matter how much the other one loves it.

Ari and Arlo are such similar-sounding names that you’d think the perfect way to meet in the middle would be with Archer or Arthur. But reading your email, I got a feeling of deja vu, because about 18 months ago, I wrote an article called She Says Clara, He Says Zara about a couple who were having problems agreeing on a name.

In the end, they had a boy (named Lewis), but they did agree on a girls name, and although I can’t reveal it, it wasn’t Lara or Kara, but something completely different to either Clara or Zara, with a little of the feel of both those names in style.

So I wonder whether it might be an idea to think of something completely different to both Ari and Arlo, but somewhat alike in style?

From your name list, I couldn’t see much wrong with any of the names. The problem is that you say neither of you love the names, and that you can’t imagine them as your Xavier’s brother. That sounds like none of them are right for you. They might be right for another family named Gibbon, or perfect for someone else with a Xavier, but not for you.

It seemed to me that Ari and Arlo are alike in more ways than just the initial sound: they are both cool and funky, boyish and smart sounding. They are both quite fashionable names, and they’re not in the Top 100 but not too far away from it either.

Here are some names I thought of that somehow reminded me of both Ari and Arlo, and that I liked with Xavier, and with your surname:

  • Felix
  • Dashiell
  • Atticus
  • Hugo
  • August
  • Otis
  • Wyatt
  • Jude
  • Miles
  • Axel
  • Rafael
  • Rory
  • Silas
  • Jarvis

Even if none of these names are right either, perhaps they will help get the ball rolling in thinking of more names that don’t necessarily sound like Ari and Arlo, but have something in common with both of them.

Good luck Rebecca and Daniel, and do feel free to write in again when you have a name list that you feel more enthusiastic about.

UPDATE: The baby’s name was Elijah!

POLL RESULT: Most people preferred the name Arlo, with 60% of the vote, and 25% preferring the name Ari. The remaining 15% liked both names equally.

What Do You Think of Xanthe as a Sister to Olive?

01 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by in Naming Assistance

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two sisters

Kelly and Adam are expecting their second child in about a month, who will be a sister for their daughter Olive. Choosing Olive’s name was a breeze – the name clicked for both of them early in the pregnancy, and although they considered other names, never loved any of them as they did Olive. As soon as Olive was born, the name suited her perfectly, and both parents are extremely happy with their choice. Kelly loves her daughter’s name so much that the occasional negative comment about it doesn’t bother her at all, and she appreciates that the name is simple and easy to spell, and is neither extremely rare nor very popular.

The family surname is a one-syllable familiar English vocabulary word, such as Hall or Young, and Kelly thinks it needs a first name to match it which isn’t too common, and has more than one syllable. Ideally, Kelly would like a two-syllable name, so that everyone in in the family has the same syllabic pattern in their name, and she wants the whole name to be used, not a shortened nickname version, to keep this pattern. Kelly and Adam aren’t planning on having more children, so it would be nice if they could have a two-girl sibset which feels complete.

The middle name will be Julia, which is a family name; Olive also has a middle name which honours a family member.

At the moment, Kelly and Adam have a clear front-runner for their second daughter’s name – Xanthe (which they happened to see on the blog). They immediately had the same “clicking” feeling they had when they heard Olive, Kelly thinks that Olive and Xanthe sound good together, and she likes the way that Xanthe sounds with their surname. This all made Xanthe seem like the perfect name.

However, as time went by, they started to have a few doubts. Kelly worries that Xanthe will always have to spell her name for people. Kelly can’t stand it when she has to spell out her own name, in case people think it is Kelli or Kellie, and the lack of spelling issues with Olive was one of its main attractions. She’s also worried that people may not know how to pronounce Xanthe (which they are going to say ZAN-thee), and that Xanthe – and her parents – will get sick of constantly correcting people.

The only other name they have really considered is Clementine, and they’ve ruled this out because they think it will be frequently shortened by others, and because it seems too matchy with Olive, as both have a fruit/flower connection. For the same reason, they have ruled out other botanical names such as Violet or Ivy. Kelly really loves the name Freya, but isn’t sure about how it matches with their surname, and she also loves Stella, but Adam doesn’t share her feelings.

Kelly wonders what people think about the name Xanthe as a sister to Olive, and if it will be as problematic as she fears. She would also be interested in hearing other names which fit all her criteria.

* * * * * * * * * *

My initial thought on reading your email is that you have probably found the right name – it’s very encouraging that you got the same feeling from Xanthe that you did from Olive, as if the name had “clicked” into place for you. I think Olive and Xanthe sound great as sisters – they’re completely separate names with their own particular image and feel, and yet they seem to “go together” beautifully, making a rather hip and quirky sibset.

I think you’re right that Xanthe will probably have to correct people on the spelling and pronunciation of her name from time to time, and you know that’s a common thing, because you also have to sometimes explain that you are Kelly, not Kelli/Kellie. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that Xanthe will find it as annoying as you do.

I’ve noticed that the people who get most irritated about having to spell out their names tend to be those who have traditional names with the standard, or most usual, spelling. Michelles and Kates don’t like to be asked if they are Michele or Cate, parents of Alices and Jaydens get a bit miffed if you spell their child’s name Alyss or Jaedyn. When you have a popular name with widely accepted spelling, you don’t expect to have to explain it to people.

However, when someone has a less common name with less intuitive spelling, they are usually fairly resigned to having to explain spelling and pronunciation on a regular basis. Niamhs and Joaquins mostly don’t feel it’s unreasonable for others to ask for clarification on the spelling and pronunciation of their name, and I think Xanthe might fall into this category – it’s more of a Niamh than an Alice.

On the plus side, I think Xanthe is much better known than it used to be: there’s some famous people with the name, it’s a celebrity baby name, and I’ve even seen it as a product name on furniture and homewares. It’s fairly easy to explain the ZAN- pronunciation too, because the names Xander and Xavier are popular for boys. There’s even the Australian grass tree, whose scientific name is Xanthorrhoea.

And finding a not-too-common name with no spelling or pronunciation issues isn’t that easy anyway. You’ve also considered the name Freya, but I’ve seen people spell that Freyja, Freja and Frea, so a Freya might have her name queried too.

The reason that Olive doesn’t present any spelling or pronunciation problems is because it is a traditional name, and also a vocabulary word, like Ruby or Hazel. Your surname is also a vocabulary word, and although teaming it with Olive has worked out, it might seem a bit obvious if you did the same thing again (not to mention how hard it is to think of a traditional name that isn’t also a colour or plant like Olive).

I’m struggling to think of another name like Xanthe that is neither rare nor common, isn’t a vocabulary word, has two syllables, isn’t a nickname form or can be easily turned into a nickname, sounds good with Olive, and with the middle name Julia, and with your surname, yet presents no spelling/pronunciation issues. Umm …. Astrid?

I think you and Adam have chosen a great name for Olive’s sister which ticks almost every box on your list. Maybe it isn’t perfect, but very few names are, if any. You got very lucky with Olive’s name, and it’s probably too much to expect that kind of good fortune again, where you both love the same name instantly, and it has absolutely no issues, and even the issues it does have aren’t really issues because you love it so much.

It would be wonderful if you meet your new daughter, and Xanthe is so obviously the perfect name for her that the choice is easy, and you love her name so much that explaining it every once in a while doesn’t bother you at all. Could you get that lucky again? I hope so! And you seem like the kind of people where lightning might strike twice.

Please write in and let us know if Xanthe was the perfect name after all, and whether the spelling turns out to be less of a problem than you thought.

Readers, what do you think? Is the spelling and pronunciation of Xanthe too much of a problem? And does it make a good sister to Olive?

UPDATE: The baby’s name is Xanthe!

POLL RESULTS: Most people didn’t foresee major problems with the name Xanthe. 42% thought the name Xanthe would need explaining sometimes, but nothing that couldn’t be coped with, while 31% thought it would need occasional explanation, the same as any other name. A sanguine 12% didn’t see any problems at all with the name. Only 15% thought there would be significant issues attached to the name Xanthe.

It was a definite thumbs up for the sibset Olive and Xanthe, with 79% of respondents approving of it – and a full 50% thinking it perfect. Only 6% of people thought Olive and Xanthe was a mis-match as a sibset.

(Painting shown is A Childhood Idyll by William-Adolphe Bouguereau, 1901)

Is Ivy Too Trendy?

15 Saturday Feb 2014

Posted by in Naming Assistance

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Wedding-hair-ivy

Ferrice and her husband are expecting a baby girl, and she always wanted to use the name Ivy for her daughter, which is the middle name of a dear departed family member. However, she now worries that the name might have become too popular. The level of popularity doesn’t worry her so much as the idea that the name might be too “trendy”; however, there is a great deal of sentiment attached to the name Ivy.

Ferrice and her husband have a son named Bernie (a family name), and their surname begins with W and ends with R eg Webster.

Other Names Considered

  • Tess (another family name)
  • Layla (not sure it suits surname, as it ends with a similar sound)
  • Imogen (good friends just used it, so it’s ruled out)
  • Bronte (not sure it sounds right with brother Bernie)
  • May (a family name)
  • Alice (husband not convinced)
  • Poppy

However, they aren’t in love with any of these names, except Tess, and Ferrice’s husband isn’t quite on board with it at this stage.

Ferrice would love to know what blog readers think of the name Ivy, and whether it’s too popular. She’d also be open to hearing name suggestions from anyone who thinks there’s another name they might like better.

* * * * * * * * * *

As a name blogger, my heart sinks whenever I hear someone say they are worried that a name they love is now “too popular” to consider. I can’t help wondering if I am contributing to the problem by providing information on name popularity, and I hate the thought that I might be unwittingly putting parents off using perfectly nice names.

Ivy is a popular name, and fits in with the trend for simple, pretty names with a V, such as Ava and Evie, and for non-floral plant names, such as Olive and Willow. It’s also a Downton Abbey name, which has helped give it widespread attention, and a celebrity baby name, after it was chosen as the middle name of pop star baby Blue Carter. No wonder the name has become popular!

However, it may be popular and on trend, but to me it isn’t a “trendy” name. Ivy isn’t a classic, but it is a traditional name with quite a bit of history, and was very popular in the 19th century (more popular than it is now). It has been climbing since the 1980s, so it hasn’t come out of nowhere, and its biggest burst of popularity was in 2009, before the television show and Blue Ivy.

You may be somewhat reassured to know that Ivy isn’t shooting up crazily in popularity – it was one of the fastest-rising girls names of 2012, but from the 2013 data that has come in so far, it seems to be still rising, but at a more modest pace. In 2012 it was #22, and it went up 18 places to reach that position.

For what it’s worth, I think Ivy is a lovely name – simple, charming, retro, fresh and green sounding, and somehow more piquant and distinctive (even seductive) than many other popular “old fashioned” plant names like Lily and Daisy. I completely understand why so many parents have chosen it.

I tend to feel that when it comes to honouring someone, sentiment far outweighs any other factor. This is the name of someone you love, and must miss every day. I can’t help thinking that you might regret giving up this name for a reason such as popularity – especially knowing that your reasons for loving the name Ivy have nothing to do with how popular it is.

However, popularity genuinely does bother some people, and if you really feel that the name is too popular for you, then using it in the middle position seems like the obvious solution. The trouble is, you don’t have too many candidates for a first name at this point. Most of the names you’ve considered are similar to Ivy in regard to popularity, and you admit that you don’t really love them.

Tess seems like the most likely proposition. This is a cute name which has never become popular, and is very fashionable – and it is a family name. Bernie and Tess sound pretty adorable together too. How do you feel about Tess Ivy? You did say your husband is not really convinced about Tess though, which puts a bit of a question mark over it.

If you’d like to try out some other names that have a similar level of popularity to Tess, and sound okay with Ivy in the middle, and with your surname, you might consider:

  • Caroline Ivy
  • Juliette Ivy
  • Mabel Ivy
  • Miriam Ivy
  • Millicent Ivy “Millie”
  • Gwendolyn Ivy “Gwen”

I hope I’ve been able to provide you with at least some help, and perhaps when you talk it over with your husband, your choice will feel clearer. Please feel free to write in for further assistance if other names become possibilities for you.

UPDATE: Unfortunately Ferrice never got back to me, but a little bird tells me that she did indeed name her daughter Ivy.

POLL RESULTS: 95% of people thought Ferrice should choose the name Ivy, with 35% saying that popularity shouldn’t be considered at all when it comes to the name you love best, and 25% believing that as this was a family name, the popularity didn’t matter.

(Photo of ivy hair comb from etsy)

Celebrity Baby News: Peter Andre and Emily MacDonagh

04 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by in Celebrity Baby News

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peterandrebaby

Pop singer and media personality Peter Andre, and his fiancée Emily MacDonagh, welcomed their first child together on January 7 and have named their daughter Amelia. Peter also has a son named Junior and a daughter named Princess from his marriage to glamour model Katie Price.

Peter is from a family of Greek-Cypriot descent; the family surname was originally Andrea. Born in England, he came to Australia as a young child with his family, and grew up on the Gold Coast in Queensland. Peter wrote his first song at the age of 13, and at 16 won a contest on the “New Faces” segment of Hey Hey It’s Saturday, which gained him a record contract. His self-titled début album was released in 1993, which included the song he had written as a young teenager, Dream a Little. He later moved back to the UK, appearing on reality television programmes such as I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. He and former wife Katie Price starred in several fly-on-the-wall reality series about their lives, and he currently hosts 60 Minute Makeover. His most recent album, Angels and Demons, was released in 2012.

Emily is a medical student. She met Peter in 2010 after her father performed emergency surgery on him to remove kidney stones, and the couple recently became engaged. Peter has said he would like to move back to Australia when his family is older.

Amelia was apparently Peter’s favourite choice for his youngest daughter’s name, but he says he left the final decision up to Emily. He has said that they wanted a classic, royal or Biblical name for their daughter – they originally picked the name Rose, but it didn’t seem right, and one name they considered was Cleopatra!

Name Update: They Completely Changed Their Minds

28 Saturday Dec 2013

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Louise and Ross planned on naming their first child Barnaby, but were worried that their pet dog Barney would clash with this, or make it seem ridiculous. Louise wrote in to ask for people’s opinions, and also to see whether they liked their second choice for a name, Jasper, any better.

When they went to the hospital, they were quite convinced that their baby’s name was either going to be Barnaby or Jasper – they even considered Barnaby Jasper or Jasper Barnaby as options. However, once their little boy was born, something happened – they both knew that neither of those names was right for him! They looked into his eyes, and he didn’t seem like a Jasper or a Barnaby at all.

Louise explains: We both love Barnaby and like Jasper, but as it turned out, we didn’t love or like those names for our son. They were perfect on paper, and would be lovely for someone else, but not for our baby.

They started their whole name search again from scratch, but this time it seemed much easier, because it was a practical exercise, rather than a theoretical one. Suddenly all kinds of names they had earlier rejected seemed possible.

Within two days of leaving hospital they had decided on a name, and their son is

ARCHER LENNOX.

The name Archer suggested itself because their son’s zodiac sign is Sagittarius, and Lennox is a family surname which gives Lenny as a “back up” name if needed. Louise and Ross are big believers in Plans B!

They have had mostly positive feedback from friends and family, who have nearly all immediately dubbed the baby “Archie“. Louise and Ross are completely happy with the choice they made, although things didn’t work out exactly as they expected.

Congratulations to Louise and Ross on their first child, who has a handsome name even if it did come as a bit of a surprise!

Remember that it’s a great idea to take a little list of possible names to the birth of your child, but you’re not obligated to stick with any of the names after the baby is born. It’s just a list, not a contract, and you are completely free to change your minds.

Have you written into the blog with a name dilemma and then changed your minds once the baby was born? We don’t mind a bit if you ignored our opinions, or went in a completely different direction – we just want to know that you’re happy with the name you eventually chose. Send us your name updates! 

Name Update: Nameless No Longer

26 Thursday Dec 2013

Posted by in Name Updates

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AnneGreenGables27

Nina wrote in to the blog because she and her husband Hamish had a six-week-old baby daughter who still didn’t have a name, and the date for registration was growing closer each day.

Nina had her heart set on Annie, but at the last minute Hamish said he wanted the baby to be named Sarah, after his mother. The longer it took them to resolve their differences, the more other people felt they could offer their own opinions on the matter, which made the decision seem even more complicated.

After the couple compromised by agreeing on the name Anne, Nina wrote in again to ask for help on choosing a middle name.

Just before Christmas, Nina posted off the registration forms for their child’s name, so they got in before the deadline with about a week to spare, and their daughter’s name is

ANNE ELIZABETH KATE “ANNIE”,

baby sister to Edie and Alistair “Mac”.

Anne is the middle name of Hamish’s mum, so they found a way to honour his mother and still get to the nickname Annie. Nina is pleased, because she loved the Anne of Green Gables books as a child (as well as the musical Annie).

Nina chose the middle name Elizabeth because so many people suggested that they name the baby “what she looks like”, and Nina thinks her youngest daughter looks most like an Elizabeth – a name they had also considered. If Anne ends up going by her middle name and being a Betsy, Nina won’t mind that at all.

Kate is a family name that had also been on their list, and was the middle name she favoured for a baby Annie.

Nina says she wasn’t brave enough to use as many middle names as Clive Palmer – and there wasn’t enough space on the form anyway!

They have had mixed reactions from family and friends, with most people saying they should have just gone with Annie as the official name. However, Nina loves her baby’s name and thinks it is perfect for her.

At the moment, it is not entirely sure whether Anne will be called Annie or not. Mac hasn’t been able to pronounce the name Annie yet, and sometimes calls his little sister Peg. Nina still just calls her Baby. However, Nina recently discovered that Annie was the middle name of her great-grandmother, so maybe it is fate that she be an Annie in the future!

Congratulations to Nina and Hamish on their new daughter! I think Anne Elizabeth Kate is a lovely simple, unpretentious classic name that is perfectly familiar, but these days, not common at all.

Remember that you have sixty days to name a baby, so don’t be afraid to take longer to find the perfect name if you need to. You will get there in the end, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times.

Name News Round Up

17 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by in Names in the News

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News

Baby Center Australia has released its most popular names for 2013, with Oliver and Charlotte taking the #1 positions. Names with a strong V featured prominently, including Ava, Evie and Ivy, and X, with Jaxon and Jaxson included along with Jackson. Less common names from the site: Blue, Chevy, Blip and Daxx.

Meanwhile, News Limited looked at data from birth registries all over Australia to see how popular culture is affecting name choices. Some names from Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Dexter, Downton Abbey, Mad Men, NCIS, How I Met Your Mother, and The Big Bang Theory are up, or appearing for the first time. There’s some rubbery figures, with whole groups of names being counted together, and even quite common names like Abby and Catelyn being counted as “pop culture”. Numbers are statistically significant, but overall very low, so no need to panic in regard to popularity. Most interesting factoid: Dexter peaked in 2010 at 67 births, so the chances of this name hitting the Top 100 are slipping away. Also the fairly ridiculous assertion that “popular culture” names will put your child in hospital … Health Department, please release a health warning on names!

Sabrina Rogers-Anderson from Kidspot is French Canadian by origin, and wanted a French middle name for her daughter, so she and her husband chose Fée – French for “fairy”, and pronounced FAY. Unfortunately, when they went to register the baby’s name in New South Wales, they were told that all accents and diacritical marks were forbidden. Rather than name their baby Arabella Fee, they changed the spelling and went with Fae. However, Sabrina believes that the rule is culturally insensitive, as it disallows valid names and spellings from other countries.

Rebel Wylie from Kidspot is expecting baby number three, a boy, and finds that all is not going well in choosing the name. In her tongue-in-cheek article, she claims her husband Andy is not playing fair in the baby name discussions, because he rejects every name she comes up with, but never suggests anything himself. After moaning about it to her girlfriends, it turns out The Sisterhood believes that the mother gets automatic naming rights as the one bonus of an otherwise miserable pregnancy. Rebel enthusiastically becomes a supporter of this theory, and chooses the name herself. She says Andy only gets a say-so if he can come up with something (she likes) better. A lot of angry comments from people who didn’t find it funny, but some interesting ones too.

Starts at Sixty website looked at the top baby names of 1950, with Jennifer and Peter leading the pack. The author of the article opines that in the past, parents were much more interested in tradition and the meanings of names, and chose accordingly, while today parents choose names from favourite places, TV stars, and brand names. I’m not convinced that parents don’t care about name meaning today – I get so many search terms from people looking for a name with a particular meaning. Lots of interesting comments from the 60+ crowd on how their names were chosen – including a Julie who had her name picked out of a hat (meaning and tradition?!) There were also plenty named after film stars, showing that celebrity name inspiration is no new phenomenon.

The Logan Reporter mourns the days when Sally, Jane, David and Brian were popular names. Newsflash from Logan – the 1960s are over. They’re still coping with the time-lag, including some problems with multicultural Australia. Oh dear.

Urgent Name Help Needed: Their New Baby Has No Name

16 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by in Naming Assistance

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Nina and Hamish welcomed a daughter six weeks ago. They love her dearly, and she is a constant delight to them. However, they still haven’t chosen a name for her, and the registration date is getting alarmingly close.

Nina picked out four names she liked for the baby – Annie, Meg, Peggy, and Georgie. She assumed that when the time came, Hamish would choose one of these names from her list, and that would be the baby’s name. However, while they were actually at the hospital, Hamish brought up for the first time that he would like the baby to be called Sarah after his mother (who always goes by Sally). Nina isn’t keen on the name Sarah.

They have been too busy with a new baby to have the time to sit down together and properly discuss the name, and because it is taking so long to decide, friends and relatives are weighing in with their own opinions, which is slowing the process down further.

Nina and Hamish already have a daughter named Edie, whose name was chosen by Hamish, and a son named Alistair, called “Mac” – Nina chose his name, but Hamish chose the nickname which they use every day.

Nina’s Requirements in a Girl’s Name

  • Cannot be a unisex name, because their surname is a popular name for boys
  • Must be obviously a girl’s name – sometimes Edie’s name is mistakenly read as Eddie
  • Must be short
  • Must be spelled in a conventional way
  • Must be easy to pronounce – especially in regard to the letter R, so no Audrey or Flora for example
  • The name on the birth certificate should be the name that they call her – Nina doesn’t want another Alistair-but-called-Mac situation
  • No name that will be an easy target for teasing

Hamish’s Requirements in a Girl’s Name

  • Would prefer that it be a Scottish name
  • Doesn’t want a name that is highly common or popular
  • Can’t start with the letter E as he doesn’t want two daughters with the same initials
  • Prefers a name that can be shortened into a nickname, for shouting on the sporting field

Names They Have Already Considered

  • Isla – Hamish doesn’t like the silent S, and it doesn’t have a nickname
  • Anna – Doesn’t pass the “shout from the sidelines” test
  • Elizabeth nn Betsy
  • Emma
  • Margaret nn Meg/Peg/Pegs/Peggy – Hamish said he would call her Maggie, but Nina doesn’t want a Mac and a Maggie
  • Rose
  • Tilly
  • Daisy (family name)
  • Martha (family name) – Nina doesn’t like the nickname Marty
  • Helen (family name) – Nina likes the nickname Nell/Nellie, but a friend called Kelly told her to avoid anything rhyming with “smelly”, “belly”, or “jelly” because of the teasing
  • Lydia nn Liddy/Diddy – Nina went off this after she learned Saint Lydia is the patron saint of sexually transmitted diseases; the name also rhymes with chlamydia
  • Annabel
  • Billie – too unisex
  • Kate (family name)
  • Jane (family name)
  • Nancy (family name) – Nina’s mother said this is a word to describe an effeminate man, but it doesn’t put Nina off
  • Kenzy – Hamish absolutely loves this name, but Nina thinks Mac and Kenzy are ridiculous as siblings (just discussing why this name couldn’t be used took up two weeks!)

Nina is rather enjoying the protracted name-choosing experience, but no matter how many names she considers, she keeps coming back to just one name she loves – Annie. She now feels that when Hamish eventually agrees to a name, she will be very disappointed unless he agrees to Annie.

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It sounds as if you’ve been having a lot of fun naming your third child, but registration is due very soon, and although you can get extensions, they’re intended for people who’ve been trapped by floodwater or in a coma. Unless you come up with a name quickly, you will have to pay a fine, and possibly face some annoying extra bureaucratic paperwork.

I think it’s time to put away the name books and name lists, and politely let friends and relatives know that they’ve been great, but their assistance is no longer required. In short, it’s time to stop faffing about and actually pick a name.

The good news is, it sounds as if you’ve already chosen a name – Annie. This appears to be the name you love above all others, fits all your requirements, and in fact, any other name would be a disappointment to you. It sounds as if you went with something else, you would experience serious name regret, and possibly even have to change the name later.

Hamish has already got to choose the names Edie and Mac for your first two children, so I really think it is time that you got your turn picking out a name you really love.

Luckily, Annie fits most of Hamish’s requirements too:

  • Annie is commonly used in Scotland, and there is even a famous Scottish ballad called Annie Laurie
  • Annie isn’t common; it’s only #203 in your state (25 babies named Annie last year)
  • It doesn’t start with E
  • It doesn’t shorten particularly well, but I think Hamish would be able to cope

I think that you need to stop having, “What will we name the baby?” discussions, and start a “I want to name our daughter Annie” conversation. You need to find time so you and Hamish can talk, and explain to him that this may be the last daughter you will ever have, and you really have your heart set on the name Annie. It may not have occurred to Hamish that he’s got to pick all the childrens’ names so far, and that it really would be fair for you to have your turn (yes, you picked Alistair, but that hardly counts when Hamish’s choice of name is what you actually call him).

If you love the name Annie, I would be prepared to dig in and fight for it. I think if you are persistent, and keep explaining how well Annie works for your family (Edie, Mac and Annie sound great together), how much you love it, and how miserable you will be if another name is chosen, Hamish is quite likely to eventually agree with your choice. He hasn’t really come up with a viable alternative to Annie, and there’s nothing about it that he has objected to. Then it’s just a matter of getting to the registration office and putting it down on the dotted line.

Nina, I have never been more interested to know what a couple will decide to name their baby. We absolutely must know what your choice is, whether you end up picking Annie, Sarah, or something else entirely – and whether you get to the registration office in time!

Readers, have you ever persuaded a reluctant partner to accept your favourite baby name? Have you got any tips for Nina?

NAME UPDATE: The baby’s name was Anne!

Choosing Boy Names That Won’t Become Girl Names

01 Sunday Dec 2013

Posted by in Your Questions Answered

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boys names that can’t be used for girls

That was the search term someone used to reach the blog some time ago, and ever since I have been wondering how to answer it.

There is no name that can’t be used for girls in Australia, as we don’t have any naming laws in regard to gender. It might be rare to meet a woman named Jeffrey or Andrew, but there’s no prohibition against it.

However, I do think it’s possible to choose a name for your son that is unlikely to be used for many girls. In other words, you can pick out a name which is seen as masculine rather than unisex, and which has a low probability of becoming seen as unisex, or even feminine, in the future.

1. Choose a Classic Name

Classic boys names have the advantage of possessing a long, yet recent, history of being used primarily for boys, which tends to put a masculine stamp on them. When I looked at classic names in Australia, I found that only two of them went from unisex to gender-specific – and both went to the boys (the names were Darcy and Francis).

There are lots of classic names, and they come in all styles, and are at all levels of popularity, so there’s quite a range to choose from. A classic boys name such as William, Arthur, Vincent, Duncan, Leonard, or Frederick would be an extremely safe choice for someone worried about their son’s name being chosen for girls.

2. Choose a Popular Name

When I looked at unisex names from the 2012 Victorian data, it became apparent that names are only truly unisex (used for roughly equal numbers of boys and girls) when they are at a low level of popularity. Once a name becomes popular, it only seems to do so for one gender or another – there are few names which reach the Top 100 for both sexes at once, and when they do, it’s a situation which doesn’t seem to last long.

Therefore, a popular name seems like a safe choice when picking a name to ensure that it has already been chosen for one specific gender over another. And the more popular it is, the safer a choice it probably is, because names that have switched from boy to girl in popularity haven’t peaked any higher than #60 for boys, and most of them didn’t even peak in the Top 100.

So if you’re a bit worried, pick something in the Top 100, like Declan or Hugo, and if you’re very worried, pick a Top 50 name, like Oscar or Sebastian.

3. Choose a Rare Name

A boys name seems to need a reasonable level of familiarity in order to become acceptable for use on girls: at this point, it starts to seem “cute” or “spunky” on a girl. Choosing a male name that is little used even for boys seems like a reasonable insurance policy against it becoming used by girls. So perhaps a name like Benedict or Wolfgang might seem like a good choice.

4. Choose a Name Strongly Associated with a Very Famous Man

Elvis is technically a unisex name, and in the 1920s and ’30s, it was almost entirely used for girls in Australia. But once Elvis Presley appeared on the scene in the 1950s, Elvis was a boy’s name. Other names associated with famous men include Aristotle, Banjo, Barack, Butch, Hannibal, Leonardo, Moses, Muhammad, Napoleon, and Winston.

Just make sure that the man has a high level of recognition, so that most adults would recognise him by his first name alone. If you have to explain who he was, then he’s not famous enough to ensure his name stays masculine.

And surnames don’t count – think of all the girls named Presley or Cassidy!

5. Buy a Time Machine ….

… so you can visit the future and make sure that nobody has used the name for a highly successful character in popular culture, or it doesn’t belong to a hugely famous actress who goes on to win Academy Awards for the next sixty years.

Yes, I’m joking. You can’t predict with any certainty what the future will bring (so why fret about it?). However, I do think if you choose one of the previous four options, you will have done a fair bit towards future-proofing your son’s name.

It’s not likely anyone will write a blockbuster about a spunky heroine named Leonardo, or that there will be a gorgeous movie actress named William, but even if those things happen, it’s even less likely that those names would be picked for baby girls by the general populace.

So there you go. Four simple steps you can take to make it less likely that anyone will use your son’s name for their daughter.

However, I sense many of you do not like this advice very much. You don’t want a classic name, you don’t want a name in the Top 50, you don’t want a name that’s hardly ever seen, and you definitely don’t want a name tied to someone mega famous.

Like a vast bulk of parents, what you really want is one of those fashionable boys names that are familiar but not popular. Something that seems fresh and new, yet so on trend that it blends in seamlessly with all the other kids in the playground.

However, by choosing something fresh and new, you are by definition taking a risk. You risk Axel  becoming popular, Arlo becoming stale and boring, and Ari becoming more common for girls.

Now I could go on to give further advice, such as to avoid surnames (what if Harland is the next Harper?), or anything which can be shortened to a girly nickname (what if all the Maddoxes become Maddies?), or anything ending in -lee (what if Finley becomes the new Ashley?), or anything which sounds even vaguely like a girl’s name (is Ezra too similar to Eliza?).

But I’m not going to, because

a) it sounds crazy paranoid

b) it would be foolish to avoid using your favourite name based on something which might happen in the future

c) risks make life exciting, colourful and worth living

and

d) I would prefer that femininity isn’t seen as something which taints a name so that males can no longer use it.

If you want a name used almost entirely for boys, that is likely to stay that way for a long while, then you have good options.

But I hope that we can also embrace risk and change and diversity, and live in a more accepting world that doesn’t divide us so sharply into pink or blue – a world where we all have more name choices, rather than less.

Can Your Son be Named Barnaby if the Dog is Named Barney?

09 Saturday Nov 2013

Posted by in Naming Assistance

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Louise is expecting her first child in less a month, a boy. She feels that there isn’t much time left, and she and her husband have not yet managed to settle their baby name dilemma.

Their favourite name for a boy, and the one they would very much like to use, is Barnaby. However, they have a pet dog named Barney. Although they aren’t planning to use Barney as a nickname for Barnaby, Louise is realistic enough to know that it isn’t impossible he’ll end up being a Barney, at least sometimes. In any case, she wonders whether Barnaby and Barney are too close in sound, or too closely related to each other.

If they decide not to go with Barnaby, their “back up” name is Jasper, which they both like a lot, but they don’t love it the way they love Barnaby. They would definitely feel a pang of regret or disappointment if they didn’t get to use the name Barnaby.

Louise wants to know if people think it’s possible for them to use the name Barnaby? Will others think it’s weird if their son and the dog have a similar name? Is it cruel to give their son the same name as the family pooch?

The baby’s middle name will be Ross, after his dad, and their surname begins with M and ends with N eg Macklin.

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Louise, I think most people would cross a baby name off their list if it was the same as, or even very similar to, the name of the family pet. No matter how much they liked it, it would be regretfully banished to the land of Not-to-Be.

That you are still seriously considering the name Barnaby, and in fact it is still your front-runner, tells me you are extremely attached to it. If you are still considering the name Barnaby, then I would say, yes it is a real possibility.

Will other people think it is weird? Quite likely some of them will. Are you obligated to fulfil the expectations of others in your choice of baby name? No. The most important thing is whether you think it is weird or not. (If you are writing in for opinions, and have a “back up” name, then at least part of you must think it’s a little weird).

I don’t think that it’s a great idea for your son and your dog to share very similar names, but being practical, these things are often more of a big deal in our heads before they happen than they are in real life. It’s not ideal, but it may be workable.

I think the biggest mistake you are making is thinking that you are running out of time, and need to make a decision before your son is born. Please consider taking your new baby home before choosing the name – once you have your son in the same house with the dog, using both their names, you will have a real life situation in which to make a decision, rather than a theoretical one.

I suspect that either you will find that it is actually a bit too weird and just isn’t going to work, or else that it feels more easy and natural than you feared. Although if you stick with Barnaby, I would be prepared to laugh off a few jokes from friends and family about your choice.

Please write back and let us know what you decide!

NAME UPDATE: The baby’s name is Archer!

POLL RESULTS: Almost 85% of respondents thought that the name Barnaby was acceptable for a couple who owned a dog named Barney. 44% thought it would be unusual, but would work out fine, 28% didn’t like the idea, but thought that it would probably be okay, while a relaxed 12% couldn’t even see what the problem was. Only 4% of people thought that it would be very wrong to name your son Barnaby if the dog was named Barney.

More than half of respondents preferred Jasper Ross to Barnaby Ross, with 55% choosing the first option and 38% picking the second. 7% of people couldn’t decide as they liked both names equally.