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Tag Archives: Clare’s Name News

Family Criticism Has Made Her Anxious About Baby Names

15 Saturday Aug 2015

Posted by in Naming Assistance

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Sinead and William have two small daughters named Orla and Freya, and would love another child. Although they aren’t expecting yet, Sinead is already anxious about choosing baby names due to the reactions they got from William’s family with the first two names.

Criticisms of the names Orla and Freya have ranged from ignorant (the names are “masculine” or “old lady” names), to ridiculous (“It sounds fat”), to vulgar (fancied similarities between the names and obscene words). The criticism is ongoing even after a year or two, and they always gleefully pass on any silly or mean comments they receive about the names from others (“Mrs Tenby mixed Orla up with orca!”).

When they’re not name bullying their own flesh and blood, William’s family are nice, sane, ordinary country people, the salt of the earth and pillars of their community. They don’t have much of a filter, and distrust anything unfamiliar. They kept pointing out to Sinead and William how all the nice girls’ names were in the Top 10, and wouldn’t they prefer Chloe and Georgia?

Sinead has tried to express how she feels to her in laws, and explain why they chose the names, but the response is always along the lines of: You shouldn’t have picked ugly, weird names for your children if you didn’t want people to say that they’re ugly and weird.

William loves their daughters’ names, and is proud of them. When Sinead almost gave in to the name nagging and chose a Top 50 name for their first daughter, William insisted they go with the name they actually loved. However, he feels that his family have their hearts in the right place, and are only being honest. He thinks Sinead shouldn’t be too sensitive about a bit of family teasing.

Sinead’s background is slightly different to William’s. Her parents are Irish immigrants, and she grew up in the suburbs of a large city. She loved that her mum and dad named her Sinead Euphemia, a name that stood out amongst her friends and classmates. Growing up, Sinead was confident enough to correct children and adults on the pronunciation of her name, and enjoyed discussing her name with others.

However her little sister Aoife Catherine had a very different experience. Shy and reserved by nature, she felt humiliated whenever her name got mangled, and readily submitted to being called Eva to avoid any fuss. By the time she was in kindergarten, she insisted on being known by her middle name, and now goes by Kate. Her sister’s experience also makes Sinead wary of choosing anything too unusual, and fearful she may have burdened her daughters with names that could likewise cause them problems.

Sinead has a nice list of possible names that she loves, but almost every one of them makes her pause and wonder if it will be dragged through the mud by her in laws, or end up being more drama than its worth. She has already cut Saoirse, Cillian, Saskia, and Ceridwen for fear they will be “too weird” for people to cope with.

GIRLS
Maeve (her first choice, but their surname is similar to Grove – is Maeve Grove too much?)
Inez (has been told it sounds like a rude word)
Isobel
Astrid
Thea
Marion
Gwen (is Gwen Grove too alliterative?)
Sian
Carys

Middle name would almost certainly be Elizabeth, but Eleanor is a strong contender (both family names). Neither of these names sound right with Isobel, which would probably eliminate it.

BOYS
Alasdair (but feels in laws will only accept Alistair or Alastair)
Euan
Leon
Leo
Theo
Sebastian
Samuel
Lewis
Louis
Dominic
Henry
Anthony
Rowan

The middle name would be John, William, or Gordon.

Sinead feels a bit silly writing in about names for a baby who doesn’t exist yet, but she would love to get some feedback on names which isn’t from her in laws and to feel less anxiety about choosing another baby name.

* * * * * * * * * *

Sinead, I think it would be foolish for you to choose baby names based on the opinions of your in laws. As you know, their tastes are very conservative, and they are highly resistant to learning anything new. It’s a big wide world outside the cow paddock, but they don’t seem to want to know about it.

I think their comments have been appalling and unacceptable. Yet I can’t help feeling a bit sorry for your in laws. You’re a bright, highly educated, very successful woman, and without meaning to, I’m sure a hundred times you have made them feel like stupid, unsophisticated bumpkins.

You’re from the big smoke with fancy ways and book learning, and you make them look pretty small pond in comparison. I do think that they use your children’s names as a way to cut you down to size, and put you in your place.

It’s something a lot of families do, and look at this article I found on Clare’s Name News with daft reactions to baby names – even standard names like Poppy and Sebastian get absolutely hammered. I know plenty of people who’ve chosen popular names for their children, and they’re still too “weird” for the older generation.

I hope your inlaws plan to cut this out once your daughters are old enough to understand what they’re saying. However, I’m not too worried about your girls if they don’t. Because look at their parents – a mum who was a feisty little girl ready to stand up for her name, and a thick-skinned dad who says, “We love your names, and we don’t give a hoot what grandma thinks”. Not to mention some very outspoken relatives, so your inlaws might get a taste of their own medicine one day!

Another reason it would be crazy to make name decisions based on what your in laws think is that they are quite simply wrong. There’s nothing bad about the names Orla and Freya, and they don’t seem particularly burdensome. They’re pretty names with an interesting history, and they’re fairly easy to spell and pronounce.

Freya is not far out of the Top 100, so it’s not at all rare – in fact, parents often fret about using it, because “it’s getting too common” (Australian actresses Freya Stafford and Freya Tingley have given it a boost). Orla is much less common, but it’s one of those names you see often enough that it doesn’t seem outrageous: so far this year I have seen one baby named Orla. There’s also the foreign affairs journalist Orla Guerin from the BBC – have your in laws ever seen her on the news?

I wonder if you have been too busy to attend a playgroup or mother’s group in your community, because I would be surprised if you received any rude comments from other parents about Freya and Orla, or that they would have any problems with them. I’m sure they will fit in just fine with the kids in their area – I see baby names from your region quite often, and they have a pretty broad range, with several hip vintage and nature names. Freya and Orla may well have classmates called Elva, Lucian, and Fox!

Your sister’s experience with her name should give you courage rather than add to your fears, because it shows that even if someone doesn’t care for their name, it’s not a big problem. Your smart little sister was able to solve her name woes by the age of five by simply using her middle name. Mind you, I think the name Aoife would have been much harder to cope with when she was a child than it would be today: we’ve moved on so much since then. Okay, not where your inlaws live – but most other places!

I think you should make a list of names that you and William like, and not bother with what your inlaws will think of them. Clearly they’re not going to be happy unless you choose something like Jack or Sophie, and are probably going to make unpleasant comments no matter what name you pick. Besides, they’ve already got to choose their own childrens’ names – why should they get to help choose yours as well?

I feel a bit sad you’ve eliminated Saskia based on some silly comments from your inlaws. It’s such a pretty name, and it’s rather fashionable at the moment. Actress Saskia Burmeister has given it a boost, and there’s also been a popular kid’s TV series featuring a teenager named Saskia. Saoirse isn’t that uncommon either – there’s a couple of young actresses with this name, including Saoirse Ronan. It would probably have a couple of pronunciation issues though.

Maeve seems like a wonderful choice – fashionable, Irish, goes well with Orla and Freya, and easy to cope with. Maeve Grove is a bit awkward, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a dealbreaker. I do think Gwen Grove is too much though: it’s a real tongue-twister, and sounds like Glengrove with a lisp. Inez doesn’t sound like a rude word to me, unless I’m either mispronouncing the name or the rude word! However, I’m never sure how to pronounce this name, as everyone seems to say it differently. All your other choices are great, and I think Carys is a fantastic match with Orla and Freya.

Your boys’ choices are all really handsome, but quite conservative compared to the names you have picked for girls. Is that your natural name style, or have you been scared out of anything more unusual by family? Alasdair, Euan and Rowan all seem like natural matches with Orla and Freya, but any name you love will be fine.

I really think you are worrying too much, and it’s a shame that other people have spoiled what should be a joyful, exciting pastime – dreaming up names for your future baby! Don’t let them spoil it any longer.

Readers, have family or friends criticised your baby names, and if so, how did you deal with it? And what do you think of Sinead’s name choices?

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You Asked About … The Weekly Birth Announcements

19 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by in Your Questions Answered

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woman-reading-newspaper

I’ve been publishing the Birth Announcements category every Friday for almost three years now, and by now I’ve received quite a few questions about them. Here’s the answers to them, plus the answers to questions you haven’t asked, but you might have wondered.

Why do you publish the Birth Announcements?
I read birth notices for my own interest every week, and have done so for several years. Like any collector, I felt like sharing my finds.

What benefits do you imagine other people would receive from reading the Birth Announcements?
Australia doesn’t have much name data past the Top 100, so it’s a way to show the variety of baby names being used by real people, right now. And there’s no data on middle names at all. People might also see names, or name combinations, they admire and consider using themselves. Or they might just be interested generally.

Where do you get the names from?
The bulk of them are from birth notices in newspapers – I read 22 different newspapers for the birth notices, many of them from regional areas. Brooke from Baby Name Pondering contributes names from the Herald Sun, so that’s 23 papers. I also scan hospital announcements – many newspapers publish photographs of babies born in their local hospital that week or month. There’s also baby competitions, such as Bonds Baby Search, stories about new babies in newspapers and magazines, parenting and photography blogs, and even a few babies that readers have seen in real life.

How do you choose the names – do you just pick your favourite names each week?
No, I definitely don’t just pick names that I really like; that would be very boring and repetitive (not to mention a fairly short list). I try to get a good variety of names, and although there’s no set way of choosing names, I generally look out for:

* unusual, rare, and unique names (especially ones that are new to me)
* daring and darling middle names
* popular names matched with eye-catching middles
* names I have featured on the blog (especially the more unusual ones, to show people do use them)
* interesting and appealing twin sets and multiples
* sibsets that seem well-matched, or strangely-matched
* intriguing sibling names (if a name seems ho-hum, check its brother or sister …)
* names from a diversity of cultures (even if that isn’t always obvious from the name)
* unisex names for both genders
* names that aren’t popular, but are on trend
* hip and fashionable names
* names that show up again and again, as a heads-up how well-used they are
* names that are particularly Australian, especially patriotic ones
* names that somehow seem very typical of their time and place
* name combinations that I think will be crowd-pleasers and appeal to other people
* potentially controversial names that I think will get a strong reaction from other people
* and yes – my own personal favourites!

How do you choose the headline names?
I generally look for two names which seem to go together in some way, usually that are in a similar style (like Odette and Raphaelle), or have a connecting theme (like Elvis and Memphis). Names which can easily be matched with a picture are favourites of mine, hence the amount of vocabulary names like Rose, River, Robin, and Rain.

How do you choose the profile pictures?
It’s varied over time. At the moment, I try to find a picture suggested by the headline names in some way, and if that isn’t possible, I might choose one related to the season (like a snowman for winter), or look for ones of children and young people that somehow remind me of the names. For example, last Friday the names were Brinley and Saige, who I could imagine as surfers.

Is it hard to find enough interesting names each week?
No, I usually have too many names, and have to hold some over for the following week. It can be hard to find an equal number of boy and girl names – some weeks it feels as if all the boys have really cool names, and all the girls are named Charlotte Anne and Emily Louise, and then the next week it will be the girls with exciting names, and the boys all called William Thomas and Lachlan James. But I figure that helps give a chance for the more “normal” names to shine.

Any other difficulties?
It can be hard to make sure the names that week aren’t too much alike. Girls names especially seem to be very similar to each other, so that I will have a Mae, a Maeve, a Maya, a Mia, and a Mila all in one week, not to mention six names with Grace as the middle name. In these cases, I will also hold names over for another week.

Are you getting bored with doing this?
Nope.

Shouldn’t you publish all the names you see in a week, instead of filtering them for us?
Hm, interesting suggestion. To me it seems as if 100+ names will just blend in with one another, but my final Birth Announcement for the year will have all the names from  that week, so you can see what it would look like.

Do you publish any of the names so that people can make fun of them?
Definitely not, and I’d be disappointed if people used them as an opportunity to be mean: these aren’t Hollywood celebrities; they’re basically our friends and neighbours. I deliberately don’t tend to choose names that are often targets of name bullying, such as common names with outrageous spellings (apart from anything else, I don’t find them interesting). Having said that, I can never resist a name or name combination which strikes me as comical; I love them.

I don’t remember publishing my child’s name on the Internet – where did you see it?
I don’t make a note of where I see every name, but I will do my best to track it down for you.

You spelled my child’s name incorrectly!
I am but human. Let me know, and I will edit the post.

I don’t want my child’s name published on your blog
Oh dear. Are you sure? It will make me very sad, but I can remove it.

Are you stalking me, or my children?
No, really I’m not. Look at all the newspapers and blogs I have to read – I don’t have time to stalk individual families for their names. I know it looks suspicious that half the kids from your mother’s group were in one set of announcements, or your daughter’s name was in a set of announcements with your kids’s school as the profile picture for it, or your first child’s name was published 18 months ago, and now I just published your second child’s name as well. It’s just that it’s a small world, and you go to a hip mother’s group, and you live in a small town with not many photo opportunities, and you have great taste so both your kids ended up on the blog. I promise these are all by chance, and not by design.

I saw a fantastic name in the Birth Announcements and used it for my baby!
Yay!

What happens if I see a name or a sibset that I think is the bee’s knees?
Leave a comment to that effect (either on the blog itself, Twitter or Facebook), and eventually they will get voted on so we can see which names everyone likes the most.

Aren’t the name polls just a popularity contest?
Like most things in life, yes. I wouldn’t take it too seriously – we’re not voting on the Nobel Prizes here.

Don’t you think there’s too many names to vote on for most of the polls?
Yes. Next year there will be a monthly poll, which hopefully will make them more manageable. In the beginning, I worried not enough people would nominate names, but due to Sarah’s example at For Real Baby Names, I’m now confident enough to nominate names myself if nobody else bothers.

I have developed an addiction to birth notices, and your weekly round up is no longer enough for me – I need more birth announcements!
Completely understandable. Ebony at Babynameobsessed publishes birth notices from Western Australia, then there’s Elea at British Baby Names, who has weekly birth notices from the UK, plus historical birth notices from The Times. Kara at The Art of Naming has birth notices, I think from her local area, and Clare’s Name News provides links to several European blogs that have birth notices from non-English speaking countries. Then of course there’s the motherlode – For Real Baby Names, where Sarah posts names from birth notices several times a week. Plenty of places to get your fix!

Interview with Alexia Mae at Baby Names from the Bible

23 Sunday Mar 2014

Posted by in Blog Reviews

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Interview-PhotoAlexia Mae is the warm and enthusiastic blogger behind Baby Names from the Bible, devoted to all the great names in the Good Book, whether familiar or unusual. I usually allow blog readers to decide which blogger is interviewed, but last month Alexia Mae was kind enough to invite me to be interviewed at Baby Names from the Bible, so this is a return visit – although she would have been chosen next time anyway. Alexia Mae passed her 100th post a month ago, so let’s hope there are many more.

What is your name?

Alexia Mae. I’m the “Dear Abby” of baby names, as Alexia Mae is my pen name.

Have you ever wished you had a different name?

My real one? Oh, yes. It’s not too common a name; it’s only ever made it to #30. But the spelling of it is unique, which catapults it outside the Top 1000 for all time. Add a filler family middle, and the annoyance of people misunderstanding my name, and I begged to be called Alexia as a kid. Fast forward to me needing a pen name … Bob’s your uncle, I had one. Mae is in honour of my grandma. Now that I’m an adult I appreciate my given name more. I was almost a Kasia, which I would have loved, too.

How did you become interested in names?

I blame my name craziness on Shane, my kindergarten crush. He was the ruddy-haired Irish kid with the leather necklace, the dude everyone wanted to be friends with. In a classroom of boring names from the ’80s, Shane stuck out. I suddenly became very aware of people’s names.

When I was thirteen, my mom got pregnant. My brother Aaron and I were close in age, but now I was way older for this new brother, and boy, was I ready to help name the kid! Shot down, but kept on trying. Their choice? Another A name, Andrew. A perfect recipe for my mom to never get our names right. But, after stealing (I mean permanently borrowing) a name book my mom picked up, I came down with full blown name-nuttiness. It’s been downhill ever since.

How did you become interested in biblical names?

That first baby name book I got my hands on happened to be about biblical names. And it was literally four pieces of paper. (Maybe that’s why my parents never got out of the As.) It was small. But it had a big impact. To see the meaning of names, and to be able to go to the Bible and see them used, just blew me away. It was my own “sawdust trail moment” for names. They have proved themselves to be real gems, and have a power in their age and timelessness.

Do you have a favourite baby name book?

The Holy Bible 😉 My email inbox is also swarmed with name people I’m subscribed to, and I rely on Clare’s Scoop for everything else. (That gal needs an award.) [WMTM: She got one! She has a gold ribbon saying her page is one of the most highly-recommended in the Society topic on Scoop].

What inspired you to begin a name blog?

My husband Josiah and I both love the idea of using biblical names for our children. When I was first married I searched for biblical baby name books, and couldn’t find any. Zilch. Zip. Nada. Not even the one that I originally had. Then I began to think about that original name book, and thought it was awfully small compared to the actual Bible. I mean, the Book of Numbers wouldn’t even fit in there, and it’s practically nothing but names.

I kept asking myself, if I can’t find them, who else will? Why is no one celebrating the biblical names I know must exist? So I began logging the names I was coming across for my own use, and I really wanted to share them … and Baby Names from the Bible was born.

Do you have a favourite blog entry on Baby Names from the Bible?

The post that I’m the most proud of is one I wrote a couple of years ago, Why Name Your Baby a Biblical Name? I take a moment to stand on my soap box and talk about why people, even those who aren’t religious, should take another look at baby names from the Bible. Forget about Zerubbabel. How about Junia? Rissah? Ardon? There are names galore for anyone thirsty for a good name.

Are there any other ways to stay in touch with you online?

I’m @NamesDaily on Instagram, and I post names every day, both biblical and not. Instagram has been an amazing experience. I have a growing following of over 2000 people. I’m getting the opportunity first hand to see names that knock your socks off, and some, that well, just don’t. I’m also on YouTube.

Do you have a pet peeve in regard to names?

Yhess. Yoonique namez. If I have to read it more than once to get what name you’re actually trying to say, I’ve got to stand up and get a cup of coffee. It literally makes my skin crawl. Jaycein? I am somebody who has zero adrenaline tolerance for awkwardness in any way, so I have to get up and walk it off. True stuff.

In the name community, I feel sometimes it’s like Eskimos marketing ice to fellow Eskimos who live in the same igloo. I want to find ways to branch out and actually talk to parents who have never even owned a baby name book. I think that’s why I love being on Instagram so much, because it’s exactly that. I enjoy so many people in the baby name community, but I want to find ways to branch out, too. (We need an annual name conference.)

What are some of your favourite names?

Boys: Judah and Josiah, of course. Abel.

Girls: Juniper. Ellowyn. Cassia. Maewyn. I really love Naphtali for a girl, but can’t bring myself to use it because no one would be able to pronounce it or spell it. It’s like Natalie with an F. I’m drawn to biblical names, but I enjoy other names, too.

What names do you dislike?

Delilah. I see the appeal, but I would never use it. The same with Jezebel. That one makes my skin crawl when I hear someone nonchalantly talking about using it. Whether you believe in the Bible or not, the connotation still exists. Jezebel was a murderer, and it would be like naming your child Hitler. I just don’t think you should do it.

What are your favourite names in the US Top 100?

Girls: Biblical – Leah (#33). Other – Harper (#24) and Lillian (#25)

Boys: Biblical – Josiah (#79). Other – Landon (#34)

What are your favourite names in the rest of the US Top 1000?

Margaret (#178) and Judah (#273)

What are your favourite names that don’t currently chart?

Blythe (never charted) and Clive (hasn’t charted since 1935)

What is your son’s name?

Judah David. Our story of Judah’s name is a fun and interesting one, and you can read about it at So There’s This Name ….

If you found out you were pregnant right now, what names would you be considering?

I would be trying to convince Josiah to like Blythe Salomae. We have boys names we like, but like we did with Judah, we’re not telling anyone.

What is something we don’t know about you that you would like to share?

I love the Anne of Green Gables series and have read them probably too much. Tell me Lucy Maud Montgomery wasn’t a name nut. Ludovic Speed? Gilbert ❤ Is this why I love the name Blythe? I will never tell.

What advice would you give someone choosing a baby name?

If you can’t use the one you love, use it anyway. Never, ever settle. Unless it’s Jezebel or Kidneigh Bean, and then I’d say maybe keep looking. Valuable life lessons also apply to names. You are giving your babies the first impression they will have on people. Give them something that makes them proud. Something that makes you proud. And like weak coffee, name regret stinks. I’ll brew down some Starbucks, and you can come over and we can talk more about names!

(Picture shows Alexia Mae with her son Judah; photo supplied by Baby Names from the Bible)